Do I want to die from the inside out, or the outside in?

We turn skeletons into goddesses, and look to them as if they might teach us how not to need...

I am the space between my thighs, daylight shining through, the shoulder blades and collar bones delicate as a birds wing. I feel breakable and small but look bigger than I feel. I am imperfect, knots tied, stitches missing, buttons lost. I am master of my mind, yet trapped inside its walls, lost inside confusion and bewildered by the universe. I am drowning in the words "not good enough" words whose weight detached my soul from where it used to be, once upon a time. I am me, but I have changed, I consider the "me" of my past to be a different girl. I am lost, but Jesus found me, I am saved, but not yet free. I am drowning in my own bitterness and self-disgust and yet I continue to dig myself deeper, leading a path to self destruction, with Jesus by my side, begging me to listen. It falls on deaf ears... why can't I let it go??